#17

This isn't me being dumped. It's just...written in the Freewrite section in 7 minutes and 19 seconds. The time is 6:18 LA time, but I'm in Florida, so it's 9:18...The topic was 'I Want.'

I kinda like how it turned out...

"Disposed" Written on February 24, 2010

I want breath

in this dizzying, heavy, place.

The aromatic coffee awakens me,

I long to taste it, only to dip my tongue in black bitterness.

I want to fly, but how can I?

For I have no wings, and airplanes need airfare.

I want money, but I can't be that shallow

The world existed without money before,

why can't we live without it now?

I want...life, but...

how can I long for something I already have?

I want to be noticed, but being noticed

is different from receiving love.

What is love?

Why do we need it?

Why does everyone have it?

...But me?

Surely it must be there,

along with everything else.

I want people. Yet I have to wonder why...

Why are people thrown away?

Like me. I'm just a concept now,

abandoned in the dump that is someone's life.

Go ahead, neglect me,

pretend I was never there.

It's okay, you know.

That's why I'm here.

For you to confide in,

to walk with,

to talk to,

to relieve your loneliness.

But why,why must you discard of me

dispose of me

leave me like I never was there

when I brought you up out of your sad days?

I am the reason you're here now.

So why would you progress, without ever looking back

and remembering those times we had together.

Don't you want me?

Well, here--

I want you,

so I won't stop trying.

Poems 13, 14, 15, and 16

I wrote four poems since my last update...and obviously, I keep forgetting/don't have the time to update, so I'm posting 4 of the last poems I've written in a super, ultra, mega post. :)

Okay, this first one is based on a relationship between a friend and myself in which I'm helping that said friend sort things out.

"Walk To Me" Written on February 12, 2010

Walk to me

take little baby steps

on your way to the light.

Walk to me

turn to me

trust me.

Why can't you

trust yourself?

bring yourself to be around others?

stop caring?

For once, just stop.

Just freeze

just fall back,

because I am there to catch you.

Why can't you realize that?

Trust me.

Talk to me.

I know you.

I see you

clearer than you see yourself.

Look in the mirror,

a muddy reflection blinks

back to your blank face.

Blubbering, bantering,

baffling, bawling,

blundering, blighting

Take a step back

and look at yourself.

Walk to me.

Don't look back.

Don't fall, or else I will catch you.

Walk to me.

Teeter on your feet.

Take a small step

Out of the darkness,

and run to the light.

This next one is based off of a fight between another friend and myself. We've worked it out, which is good.

"Reply", Written on February 14

Reply

Don't leave me hanging

by a thread

that which,

so easily broken

can crumble

Reply

Don't replace me,

eclipse me,

shadow me,

leave me crying.

It's alright, you know.

You're forgiven,

but don't hold this against me

when my tears drop into the ocean,

the pool of the million hearts you've broken,

don't go searching for it.

You claim you're in a triangle

feel like you have to choose

Don't put one on a pedestal

and level us out

You can balance us, can't you?

Reply

I don't wish to obligate you

to speak

I don't wish to chain you

to me

I don't wish to hurt you

though I have so many times before...

Broken pieces picked off the floor

glued together, reshaped, remodeled

are what friendships are.

Forgive me for crying,

I'm just hurt, that's all,

That you'd let me stumble

in the dark with no light,

so I'd crash and fall.

But falling was how we met,

how this love began.

You laughed while I cried,

cried while I laughed

But still hugged me,

comforted me,

and took me under your wing

of feathers so soft

and so cashmere rich

of sisterly feelings,

but life's a b***h.

So leave me,

go ahead

but come back,

for I'll miss you.

I'm not mad,

just sad

that you'd ignore me -

the things I have to say.

Fine with me,

don't return my call.

I'll just pen this

miserably,

so that you don't

have to

listen.

But I'll be standing

right here, should you

ever choose

to return.

Thirty minutes gone...

but I feel like I've lost you

forever.

This next is picture inspired and for a contest.

Tayo (As in, "Us" in Tagalog), Written February 20, 2010

I am an open book

a story leaps off the page

so take me in and read me.

Hold me

caress me,

swiftly turn the pages

get to know me.

I love this

I indulge in this.

this passion that I feel

as our mental bonds connect through time

and space.

A fall of roses cascades off my covers

weeping at the torn pages.

Cry pools of shining light for me,

my lover.

Shower me with gold that destroys my blundering way.

Guide me

get to know me.

Read me, take me in.

Sense me

as I sense you

as we cuddle in this rocking chair.

So love,

read me a story.

Our story.

The last of the poems is...from my muse, dedicated to my camera, my beaten, scratched up, yet ever-so-faithful Canon Power Shot SD550. xD

"Camera", Written on February 22, 2010

Wondrous little box

with your rounded window

over your rectangular screen

composed of little dots and smaller squares

of color and light.

Your round, eye never ceases to amuse me

The memories your spacious mind holds

fits onto a little card, slips into slits.

Your knobs and buttons

turned and pushed repeatedly.

I'm amazed you're never driven crazy.

How is it, you're still alive and functioning,

when I've dropped you and let you go so many times?

How are you still breathing,

when I've suffocated you carelessly in dust?

Why do your battle scars never pain you

when your face scratched up against the rocks

because I let go of your string?

I don't take care of you enough, friend,

yet you serve me and work for me willingly.

You and I paint images together

and we hold rays of sunlight in the palms of our hands.

I rejoice when you catch rays for me

though you have no hands...or arms for that matter.

We're a good team , friend.

Reflect for me what I see in you,

and we'll take pictures together,

forevermore.

That's it for now. :)

Oh, and please note that technically, while starting them (except Walk To Me) it was the day before...I just sleep really late. All of these were written before sleeping...so...yeah.

Poem 12?

Based off of this guy I like. >_<

"If Only You Knew", Written on January 18, 2010

If only you knew how you affect me

how you influence me,

how you inspire me.

If only you knew my name

where I come from

and the things we share

If only you know that I know you

that I see you

that I shiver everytime you pass by

because I can't help it anymore

If only you knew what it's like

to be calling your name in the dark,

alone.

If only you knew the things I think

the things I say

the things I know about you

If only I knew you

if only you knew me

for who I am

and accepted me

the way I involuntarily did

when you spoke...

when you sang...

when your talent ran from your heart to your fingertips

and played your soul out in strings

on your guitar

If only you knew what it's like

to be stuck, frozen, and stiff

every time you pass by.

If only you knew how hard it is to stay calm

to not run up to you

to not hug you

because those things aren't normal...

for two people who don't know each other...

If only you knew

what you do to me,

how you drive my thoughts

how you infiltrate my dreams

how you make me feel about you.

If...and only if...you knew the scars left

from when you lashed out at me,

I know you never meant to hurt me

but you did, because of what you don't know.

You don't know how I feel about you...

And if you did, would we talk?

Would we speak?

Or would we continue to hurt one another

through avoidance?

Are we strong enough?

Are we brave enough?

Can you handle it?

Can I handle it?

Will I not shatter and break in your grasp,

should I ever come to be in it?

Questions...

But alas, none would be answered

unless you knew

about me.

Post 11

I wrote a new poem. At first, I thought it wasn't that good, but then, someone who claims to be dead honest (and she is) commented on it and liked it. The fact that she liked it is just a relief, I don't think I'll really get the gold and the 5k points, but I'm glad she didn't just bash it. I'm very, very glad.

"Hidden", Written on January 13

I am the fly on your wall,

the mirror on your ceiling,

watching, looking, staring, glaring...

observing.

I see you, you don't see me

I peek behind that crack in the wall

please don't call me insane

I am merely hidden

out of your sight

a speck in the corner of your eye

or a flash that drives by

outside your window.

I am the thing you overlook

that you pass by

day by day, and nothing.

Nothing.

This connection, my dear is going bad

for a connection isn't one at all

when the other does not return the call.

Hear me whisper.

I see you day by day

and you pass me on your way

to the rest of your life without me, your shadow.

You never turn to find me,

and so I am hidden.

[[This was song-inspired by Pictures of You, by the Last Goodnight.]]

Numbers 8, 9, and 10

I know it's been a while. Sorry. But here are a few that I need to catch up on!
New/first post of the year!


For some unknown reason, this Blogger is not letting me copy and paste. It sucks. Honestly. It does. I'll provide the links then...

"This Rhyme is no Chime", Written on December 24, 2009

Lonely am I on this dark afternoon,

Sitting on my bed in my room.

As days darken to nights

And streets twinkle with Christmas lights

I sit here typing

with all hope lost in terms of rhyming.

I am no good at this

For rhyming to me, never was bliss.

The Spanish music next door fails to agree

for its rhymes are (as of now) better than me.

I don't know why I am writing in epitaphs

It's better than math homework, oh I hate those graphs!

Christmas approaches and winter is here

I sit still and alone and things feel quite queer

That there is silence in my head

no wondrous thoughts hanging by a thread.

I don't see what has blinded me so

that my creativity isn't falling like snow.

The windows are blocked off by blinds

boredom and apathy is eating at my mind.

I read a poem by a celebrity

I face much of this world in emnity.

No one has such morals like mine

Oh why, oh why, am I terrible at rhyme?

Fingers typing, tap tap tap,

sound like rain on the windows pitter pitter pat

Sleep pulls down my eyelids, working with gravity

This world is ending in blatant depravity.

From my eyes I can plainly see

that this poem, once read, will be out to get me

for writing something so terribly

while Christmas approaches quite merrily.

Dear friends, arrest me for my rhyme

I have done the deed so wrong, it is a crime.

But this one's a bad one. I don't like it. It's a very formed rhyme poem. Written on December 24 of last year.

"2009", Written on December 31, 2009

flipping through pages in a calendar...

I cry, I laugh, I sob, I cheer

for all the memories were good this year

my heart renewed, my soul watered

some dreams i've failed, not slaughtered

but it bothers me not

i'm thankful for what i've got

i went on to high school, and we friends did part

much more to learn, life is art

there are more years to overcome, much more to live

have more to live

years go by

and this year i shall go flying high

with new people and with new friends

this year I swear I shall ascend

in goals as I get better and better

so '09 i write this letter

to you i say that i will miss

the things of fun that feel like bliss

all this from a new-turned teenaged girl

let's see 2010 come and unfurl

next year there will be challenges to face

we're running against time in a crazy race

as time withers constantly

we wisen and age abundantly

from our challenges we shall not run

so come on twenty-ten lets have some fun

o'nine, o'nine, it's been a ball

pictures of you framed on the wall

because you leave us so very quickly

these blessings have piled on quickly

this poem has been badly phrased

but this year has left me standing so amazed

I'll miss you dear 2009

this year was fun, and oh so devine.

goodbye my friend

thanks for staying 'til the end.

to you, the year, I must confess

for me, you've been the very best.

This is my look back on last year.


This next one is one I'm kind of proud of. I don't know. It's got an erratic rhythm, and not a rhyme scheme, but stuff in there does rhyme. I like it. It's one of the best ones I've done in the past few months that doesn't sound like crap.

"Umbrella", Written on January 12 (technically, January 11, but I slept late.)

I look down at my feet

and at branches in the air

and leaves on the ground

and dewdrops hanging there.

Awake is the sun

painting the sky

hues of blues and pinks

and oranges and greys

and chasing those clouds

out of the way.

Tucked into its blanket,

hushing the night

and the moon is illuminated

with a crisp glowing white.

Now this umbrella tipped over

in my topsy-turvy world

pointing down at the ground

open to me

and I lean on the umbrella to support my weight

use it like a cane.

Now we drift down a river silently

and water is around me endlessly

but I still see the trees turning orange with fall

and I look at the leaves floating by my side

and teardrops down my cheek, slowly slide.

My open umbrella, my boat in which I sit

catches my tears like some kind of pit

And it seems funny to me how this umbrella stands

open, upside down, with water on both ends.

Rain falls down on me disturbing the sea

and my umbrella under me supporting me

like a cane, like a pit, like a gauge that collects rain

as the skies and heavens seem to weep at my pain

my umbrella collects tears

it's sad to say that instead of being a shield for the rain

it only collects my sadness as it sits upside down

in the form of my tears, down at the ground

and the sun comes up again

and paints the skies again

and shoos the clouds away

and laughter springs out of me

all bubbly and gurgling,

as if darkness never came

my umbrella collects tears of joy now.

http://allpoetry.com/poem/6057167

Note, this doesn't have anything to do with the song. Okay? Oh, and it's pic inspired.

I lost.

I lost NaNoWriMo. But I'm continuing to write.
I realized, why do I need some race thing to help me write a novel?
Maybe I won't be able to write a novel in a month, but I still do kind of wish to finish it and send it in for publishing.

NaNoWriMo

There are a few days 'til NaNo WriMo. I'm not done with planning. So...wish me luck and pray for me my nonexistant viewers?