#18

This day just seems so eternal, but frankly, I must temporize, for my homework seems so varicose, like my personal Goliath, looming over me. If only I had a slingshot and a smooth stone from a nearby creek, but alas, a pencil and paper is what I'll need. If only I had a bow to string and shoot the pencil with at a distant sheet of paper far away. Unfortunately, that's not the way to tackle this malady.

Just a little rant/prose thing, practicing my vocab and stuff. I feel like I need to expand my vocabulary. I'll start writing some stuff using new vocabulary I've picked up, that is, if I've learned any. I'm becoming quite a Dictionary.com addict.

#17

This isn't me being dumped. It's just...written in the Freewrite section in 7 minutes and 19 seconds. The time is 6:18 LA time, but I'm in Florida, so it's 9:18...The topic was 'I Want.'

I kinda like how it turned out...

"Disposed" Written on February 24, 2010

I want breath

in this dizzying, heavy, place.

The aromatic coffee awakens me,

I long to taste it, only to dip my tongue in black bitterness.

I want to fly, but how can I?

For I have no wings, and airplanes need airfare.

I want money, but I can't be that shallow

The world existed without money before,

why can't we live without it now?

I want...life, but...

how can I long for something I already have?

I want to be noticed, but being noticed

is different from receiving love.

What is love?

Why do we need it?

Why does everyone have it?

...But me?

Surely it must be there,

along with everything else.

I want people. Yet I have to wonder why...

Why are people thrown away?

Like me. I'm just a concept now,

abandoned in the dump that is someone's life.

Go ahead, neglect me,

pretend I was never there.

It's okay, you know.

That's why I'm here.

For you to confide in,

to walk with,

to talk to,

to relieve your loneliness.

But why,why must you discard of me

dispose of me

leave me like I never was there

when I brought you up out of your sad days?

I am the reason you're here now.

So why would you progress, without ever looking back

and remembering those times we had together.

Don't you want me?

Well, here--

I want you,

so I won't stop trying.

Post #6

Poem:
So Long

We stand in a small ring atop a small hill of dirt
And other rings stand with us too
Of many things we talk about,
And we don't know what the heck everyone else is saying
but we are one.
We are one on "The Mound"
We are one group
But in my ring
I tune out the conversation
and you move in front of me
you shadow me
you eclipse me
you alienate me.

And I try to find yet another cavity
another gap in our small little ring
but like a drawstring bag, the cords tighten and pull
I am shut out

The door slams in front of my face
Yet all I can do is hover,
circle and scavenge for openings
a little cranny is all I need
but I am sealed off.
And I go to join a different circle.
Once you realize I am gone...
It's strange - a wide open gap
an open window
an open door
an open gate. Unfortunately for you, I walk past all the openings.
Because I'm done with it.
You've rejected me
And now I'm rejecting you.


So Long

Day #4a (Not really): Poem

"Screw Up", Written on September 30, 2009

You know what?
I hate the days when I watch
people passing by
and all I can say is
"They've got talent"
cause I'm jealous.

I'm green with envy
and white with burning anger,
and red with frustration
and blue...with the cold, damp, clammy feeling
of emptiness and that feeling you get
when you feel you just don't get anywhere.
That feeling where you feel like you've never accomplished anything.

And you.
You who whines
who screams
who complains
about every single little thing in the world
you cry because you feel left out
you cry because people leave you

but you know what?
it's not them, it's you this time
and you need to admit that to yourself
I'm tired of your whining.
I'm tired of your self pity
I'm tired of your slapping everyone in the face
with your white-hot iron bran
with your double-edged sword
with that hateful hurricane of bitterness.
That's what you are
you're an evil pit of hatred
and your pitiful excuse is
"I'm only misunderstood. I strive for what's normal."
Cut the crap, I won't fall for it.
And missy, define normal?

What's normal, what's strange,
what's absurd, what's different?
There's no such thing, to tell you the truth...

And here's what I see.
I see a little girl
dressed in pink with short black tresses
and thick lenses.
And all she wants is a place in this world
and she trips, she cries, cause she's not getting it.

I've seen you crash,
I've seen you burnt,
I've seen you fall down and fall over
and I see you right now.
You're a crumpled little heap
at the base of the staircase.

And all this is because you fail.
You fail to make a use of yourself.
You fail me notice anyone but yourself.
You fail to care about anything other than what affects you.
You fail to really try to help people.
You fail at trying to put a smile at your face.
You fail at being "normal" just because you try.
You fail at being competitive.
You fail at being hardworking.

Face it.
You're a little parasite that clings on to other.
You're insecure, you're dark.

You've fallen off your high horse.
Now humble yourself, and ask that person for help.
Ask that person extending her hand.
Yeah, you see her? That person is me.
And all you do is push me away...away...away
to the furthest end of your little galaxy.
And you'll only keep bringing yourself down.

Face it chiquita.
You've really screwed yourself up.
And there's nothing
that
you
can
do
about
it.

Based off of a friend who regularly pisses me off because she does some really stupid things. I don't think about her like this all the time, but sometimes, she just...irritates me like...hell.